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| its been too long.
we're in the apt.
3105.
come visit (knock first, i beg of you)
reading a lot.
working full time.
went to the lake last wkd with my two bff's from home.
ohhh, sweet life.
(and short annoying sentences)
i haven't played frisbee much this summer.
and i dont like that.
someone play with me?
gracias.
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| oh sweet copy and paste from myspace to xanga.
so very helpful.
so many things going on in the ol' noggin today. my apologies for the length of the post.
first off: one of my dear old friends dad died this past wkd, please
keep their family in your prayers. not just now, but when things
"settle down" and "get back to normal" is what everyone/including their
family is worried about.
secondly: stepping back in reality is hard.
my
mom was talking to me on the way home today and she was telling me
about our financial situation back at home. i won't go into details.
but, please be praying for my family and encouragement especially to my
dad and for rest for both of them. its a very stressful time right now.
thirdly, the stuff thats been really pressing on my heart and mind.
"while were anticipating God's answer to that question, there are only two things to do: wait and listen.
i
have a question and i wrote it down in my journal. I'm waiting. I'm
trying to listen. is this a common theme in my life right now?
patience? waiting?
yeaaaaa, i think so.
"i wait for the Lord, my soul waits and in HIS word i put my hope. my soul waits for the Lord."-psalm 103:5-6
I will wait, bc i TRUST.
"The Lord is a refuge in times of trouble. HE cares for those who trust in Him. -nahum 1.7
i
was re-reading this book from my senior year in high school called "A
woman and her God" and it was talking about how "We trust God as long
as the outcome is what we WANT it to be" --I dont want that. i want and
desire to be okay and not to feel abanadoned or hopeless if things
don't turn out picture perfect like i expect them to...like my parents
financial situation, like my lack of tuition money, job, car and phone, etc...i have not been abandoned.
in psalm 22.4-5 it says "In our fathers put their trust, they trusted and you delivered them. they cried to YOU and were saved in you, they trusted you and were NOT DISAPPOINTED."
theres
a verse that i keep repeating in my head. I mean, i've always heard it,
but haven't given it much thought until really today, it simply says:
"For my
thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways declares
the LORD, as the heavesns are higher than the earth, so are my ways
higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isa 55:8-9
this explains nearly everything, not in depth mind you. but doesn't it? his ways, his doings in my life are not MY WAYS, and they never were supposed to.
i also read today "love is acceptance without condition"
and i thought of my life and how i love others. i am cheap with my love, i often need to be proved that you deserve my love, that you won't hurt me.
I don't want anymore cheap love just as much as i don't want to give it anymore either. I want to love and give selflessly, looking out for others hearts and feelings more than my own. God has my heart taken care of, and i need not worry. Yes, be careful, be wise, but i need not WORRY.
in matthew it says "who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"
so true. | | |
| 1) i still need a job. please pray. thank you.
2)i have a 6 pg paper to write over a book im not even a quarter way through yet, yeck.
3)i got to see my adele tonight. :) hooooo-rah
4)i hate that my self confidence is so fleeting. well, among other things as well. i long for consistency with that. i know we all have our "days" but seriously, i hate it. i want Heaven.
5)tomorrow is sadie hawkins. we gonna look good. im pumped. johnrogers+austintullos+david ramirez+katywells+robinhoneycutt=a gooood looking group.
6)its just straight up been a weird week. i feel like i haven't been myself for 70% of it.
7)i laid outside for 2.5 hours today and i am freaking WORN OUT.
8)benchwarmers was actually a pretty hilarious movie. i enjoyed it greatly.
9)i hate trying to read people's facial expression/tone.
10)seriously. im exhausted
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| i dont understand myself.
thats okay though.
a verse that i KEEP thinking about is 1jn 3.26 "for God is greater than our hearts and he knows everything"
it ticks me off though, i shut down around people.
i stay so dadgum surface.
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| i havent updated in quite some time.
i hope i havent lost my touch.
here goes nothing:
soooo, miss hailee christal and i always have the same stuff going on in our lives at the same time, and its actually quite beautiful how the Lord has someone there to relate to, to help you, to pray for you, and to learn from.
anyways, hailee came to me the other day and was like, "listen to this!" she read:
"So leave all your foolish fears, and follow me, your guide and determindley refuse to consider the problem of tomorrow. My message to you is TRUST and WAIT."-God Calling.
funny, i've been learning a lot about trust lately.
and my issues with it, and not just with boys, but with God.
i just read romans 12 .12 and it said "be joyful in hope and patient in affliction." and i really like that it says "be joyful in hope." i often think its terrible to hope, bc it's often caused pain in return.
"to desire something and not have it, is this not the source of nearly all our pain and sorrow?"
its okay to hope. and im finding this out more and more.
today, i journaled a hope of mine, one that i would never admit to anyone, let alone let it be written in my journal bc i feel it is so silly. it kindof felt like a monumental moment to be quite honest with you, that i would even give that to the Lord.
ive been re-reading the "journey of desire" lately too.
its said a couple of things that have really stuck with me this time through
"To desire is to open our hearts to the possibility of pain; to shut down our hearts is to die altogether."
"Killing desire may look like sanctification, but its really godlessness. Literally, our way of handling life without God."
i'm not sure if any of that made sense to anyone, but i hope that it was encouragement to someone.
oh, and ps:
death cab last night was INCREDIBLE.
like, it was one of those things where you were in such awe, that i honestly thought if music can amaze me THIS much on earth imagine what heaven is going to be like that. i was absolutley blown away by their performance and sound.
and pps:
get the postsecret book. you shall love it. Lauren double d bought one for kelly and i, its delightfully poignant.
kay.
i think this is long enough.
i bid you adieu.
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